2000- 2009 Ten years & I still find each day too short

10 years! One decade is about to complete in few days of this 21^st century. And I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, for all the walk I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to meet. 

As the year 2009 comes to close many fellow have began to discuss not only their tops of the decade and New Year of such. You know, few who think it's so important that they need to make a grand stand about it with friends close peers in disk/ malls / pub and what ever option a metro life offer them. Few think what rubbish back in the year 2000 was quick to bash anyone who said the new millennium because they were better than them for knowing that technically 2001 was the new millennium.

 What ever it is I look at this with   “My Ten Years” why my ten years not because it’s a new millennium first decade, not because my life is getting end here. My ten years is closed to me because this is the span of time from where my own actual journey get starts like many others of my age.

A school girl to livening life of my own, meeting odds in,  sometime living in my comfort zone &

some time breaking them. Looking back towards those ten years, the most important thing in my life was to get good marks and make myself presentable in school. Life was only in school coaching classes and being with my friends and of course lots of fun mischievous acts.Yes I was ambitious and had many dreams like other teenagers and agenda of my life to prove myself in front of my “papa” . Two years passed and I joined Aligarh Muslim University, three years there and by the time my big eyes had big dreams to explore metropolitan city Mumbai, 

breaking my first comfort zone, of deciding going alone leaving everything behind, every swaying offers behind.
I had no Idea what made me influence to let my self  be in Mumbai, as only in six month It was complete deprived cultural shock to me. The kind of family I had and the kind of back-ground I had belonged , taking these rough decision was not an easy attempt and had their own mode of payment . That makes you pay the price of everything you owe from life. What ever I have seen there, experience there lethal but true realities of life friend’s relations and  girls having the audacity to deal with any odd situation which suppressed all those odd ideas of mine about looking at women as a week and timid creature. I had now this capacity to look thing beyond the circumstances. Mumbai gave me my first identity, it made me realize Hard work self courage never goes rundown. It put me many times in odd situation but however always helped me to come out of it.
It given me excellent friends given me a new direction and made me see my dreams through, and then I broke  my comfort zone or call it destiny made me to do so, Delhi was calling and on sudden I was in Delhi.

This time more prepared missed hideously my friends, their support they cheers " Naaz you can do,  you are unique believe us " . with this there was the changes and experience lethal realities of life and paying price of many unwanted situations, realizing weakness of mine , on sudden I was again alone I was again out of the gathering. Life made me see altogether new equation which was derived due to I would say “law of reciprocate.” . I Took time to accept few thing and was no more dependable for my happiness sorrow on anyone. I got ample amount of time of my own self,  did new things which was always in back stage, understood everything changes with time better to accept it early, understood there is no one wrong or  right, its only the states of mind how we take it.

Some time I think what If I wouldn’t had come to Delhi, and get my answer also. This was not me who came to Delhi this was a destiny call who has created things and made me leaving my comfort zone since these last ten years. Every time I had an option to quit and every time I know what I am doing and how it may turn. I had got a new and good destination in career in life, more mature in thought more subtle and stable....

 10 years -a school girl to livening life of my own. When I turn back I think I had laps many thing but gain equally. And in all shorts and falls gain and high, I live truly; smile smile & smile & some time laugh for everything. :)

Some time I think where after one more ten years?  No idea may be no where,  may be with two kids and running behind them , may be with an adorable life time friend “ hubby ” may be an unwanted  situation , may be in an idiotic life,  would not comment further. What ever it is  one thing I know when I will turn back and look at my laps and in all shorts and falls gain and high , evaluating from there I will be smiling as today. and I am firm about it. :)

Love you life, love you my Ten years you are precious :)

Miss you Mashkallies , U taught me lesson

My Mashkallies are not anymore, they are killed by a cat. I was not there to save them. I am missing their presence their coo coo.
It seems Allah sends them to fill my life with their company and also wanted me to grow with one lesson when he asked back my mashkallies.

They were there with me, making me cheer, everyday after work I used to rush home to chq they are fine, have eaten and playing.
Their family-bond made me realized, no matter how strong we are, we need somebody to care for us, to think for us, to wait when we comeback from anywhere. And that is
What a family is there to fill these requirement.
No matter how the members are, a family is family united and there for each others. Because when this word “Family” is there no matter how alone u became u are never alone.
Their coo - coo and play make me think, even they are small in nature, and yet not able to fly, they are living every movement. Yes even we also did it in our child hood, but why we forgot it today. Coz we are grown up. Is there a set period of time to say cheers, to live. Why not almost every-day.
After few days there was one add on member in their family another pigeon may be a male one, not sure about it. Now with my mashkallies and their mother they were four compile, “Ham do Hamare do”

They used to play eat and do gutergoo together, I stopped keeping alarm with me there was no need for it, before I wake up, they were the one who used to make me get up for the morning.

During all that time my mom came to Delhi to visit me, I introduced her with my new frens, and asked her not to bother for them. She was fine and laughed “Accha Insaan kam pad gaye the Jo Kabootaro se dosti” :)

And then there was that night of their departure from my life. I remember I was not well, had cough n fever , I took my medicine open the window, my mom asked me to keep it close and sleep as I may again get cold. I was like if I closed the window, how they will go. So I decided not to close, I never knew that not doing this, actually I had invited their death this time. (This gives me a lesson, there is a time when we do thing rationally good, and in welfare, taking pain on ur behalf but it may turn out in all different shade may be very ugly , you betray it entire life, but you can’t change this. Life is unfair sometime but always fair in long term)

I fall asleep while, thinking about them, that they are growing and soon they will too start skipping and fly like their parents. They will to start going in search of food, them friend then have family.
(Life is an endless process it never stops with its yes and no till last breath)

It was mid of the light, I had taken cough syrup before sleep, due to this my eyes was heavy, I got up with some light noise or the pain which I felt that I got a punch on my heart. Only five minutes everything was over. Before I could stopped the cat, she ate one mashkallies and one was terribly choked in his nails. She came from the window, I was screaming, they were dead, and the cat took his upper part in his mouth and jumped from the rack, I tried to stop her. But she was more lithe then me, and ran away from where she came. My Mom got up, she too felt upset and asked me to sleep. She decided to clean it up everything from there next morning.

I couldn’t sleep for rest entire night, everything was getting flash baked to me, I felt so helpless, was complete deprived, wanted them back and I knew this, It now a destiny call. God asked them to comeback, even before they flee and see the world, even before they would have did all what others regular pigeons do ( Some time u plan, u are positive and do all your best but its destiny who decide )

Morning the one out of that four pigeon came, he was safe , he was keep on looking for them till evening. He saw their corpse was unable to express but was looking deep sad.

I only said “ I am sorry to you ” couldn’t save your family ( some time you are sorry but the depth of pain can’t refill no matter how much you try ) I went for my work, as I also wanted to divert myself from the loss . Whole day in office this all incident was in my mind.
I was not very keen to go back home. Every body was there but their coo- coo presence was not anymore. After few days the other pigeon stopped coming to my room. The cat was never seen after that awful night, as she only came to kill them. I stopped keeping my window open. And I realized “No matter how attached you are you had to look further Life is endless process. Their death has completed their story before it can begin. We yet to see many things. Keep moving ahead. Sometime with some one, and some time alone. No matter with how many people you are surrounded at a time u are complete alone. Just Move Even if hard to put your step so you don’t died with regret of not living your life. Life has given you full chance to live, and live it before you said I forgot.

Miss you Mashkallies you were be always there in memories.May Almighty Allah bless your soul.